so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
