How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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