i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
