and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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