i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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