yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
