You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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