About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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