He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
