well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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