Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
