i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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