Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
