Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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