I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
