Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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