You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Randomize
