You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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