omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
