All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
