i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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