You're my little dorito
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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