I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
