i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
