Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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