Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
