I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
