Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
