Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
