I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
