what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
