You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
