I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
