Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize