I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
