I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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