You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
