I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
