You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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