i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
