i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
