she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
