needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
