can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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