Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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