I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
FUCK WHALES
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
