Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
