I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
