my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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