What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
