20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
this is an emotional support booty call
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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