kristin has been a bad kristin
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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