Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
