and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
