So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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