its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
