On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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