I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
