I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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