My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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