As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Another day, another engagement, another cat
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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