may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
