New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
