If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
