My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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