if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
