in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
