I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
