im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
