That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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