so explain again why im purple
no
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
