Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have tasted many bathrooms
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