That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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