Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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