Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
