Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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