please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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