I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
