yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
