If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
