are you still at the devil's house?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
