I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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