I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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