His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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