operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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