Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
