question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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