If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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